Read at your won peril

So finally I memorised all the elements in the periodic table. It is immensely satisfying to knwo the names of elements like Unnilquadium (named after neither a Keralite nor a Swede), darmstadtium, tantalum and hydrargyrum. The last three rows are basically a big rah-rah to the biggies of chemistry and their laboratory addresses. So you have Fermium, nobelium, einsteinium, rutherfordium, mendelevium, californium, berkelium,dubnium, seaborgium and meitnerium. And now that I have permanently reduced my blog readership to -1 I can say with pride that I love chemistry because:

1. I can pronounce such choice mouthfuls as those given above even though I've never seen or handled them before in my life

2. I can work with chemicals most of which our professors mournfully used to say are carcinogenic without any sort of protective gear (real chemists have corrosion resistant skin)

3. I do not need to go the doctor for my cold because I kill any hapless bacteria or virus by inhaling noxious vapours

4. I have a cool lab name MOC. I won't tell you what it means because then the readership of this blog will plummet to -100.

5. The lab coat I wear is the hottest trend since leggings and ballet flats. When I wear it in the corridor everyone points and stares (ALL EYES ON ME) and forgets even to point and stare at the girl in the glittery purple patiala.

6. When I don't know what is going on in my test tube I can admire the colours in it.

7. We don't need colour swatches to discuss clothes. For eg. "Waaaaow I want a tshirt coloured like her diluted titanium solution"

8. Nowhere else will you hear people saying," I finished my anal yaar" (analytical chem)
I love it for reasons even more boring and sometimes hate it for those very same reasons.

Accentuated Misery

Recently the UNESCO Atlas of World Languages in Danger found that 196 Indian languages are facing extinction. Yes but fikar not because where we lose languages and heritage a growing section of people have decided to evolve new accents which sound so strange that they may soon be given the status of a new language so really its all good.

We all know the endless sardar jokes, gujju jokes, mallu jokes tambram jokes and miscellaneous other accent jokes. But these accents are natural and not forced. Methinks there are not enough jokes on the deliberately cultivated accents.

1. South Bombay Accent

Girl wearing goggles in the rain at bus-stop: Hey darrril lets watch that ajab ghajab one yaaaaa

Guy with pants falling off: No yaaaaaa me and kunaaal have band practice

Girl: oaww freeeeek dooood so jammin and alll nooo

Guy bobbing his head (cool): Yaaaa man nirvaaaaaanaa

Aaaaaaaaaa

This accent comes with a twang so nasal that five minutes of it makes you want to stuff Vicks down their throats. And of course grammatical errors don't count because hey she was "talking at him" in the accent. It is so magical that it has the ability to make even Hindi sound like a foreign language. The worst of it is that these fakers make fun of people who speak normally. You suck yaaaa

2. World accent (each word is pronounced in a different accent)

This accent afflicts the rich and glaaam people. Of course they've been to so many places that its a bit tedious to list them all so why not just incorporate the accents into their speech.

Actresses endorsing products:

a. Bikoooz ur worth it.

b. Like a phuuuurl its one of a kiiiiiiiind

c. Its not just a founn its who we aurrrrrr

This slavish sham superiority is laughable at best and disgusting at worst.